In a drought-ravaged inner city summer, the Mont tends to waddle uncertainly like the proverbial duck out of water. In these soaring temperatures many a fair 30-something maiden pushes things up a degree or two. Monty browsing in the high street; hanky touches forehead more than nose at this time of year. How to present oneself in public brings fret to the brow.

Having escaped the bitter chill of winter, one is reluctant to shed the comfort and security of the 100% Egyptian cotton vest. The classic polo shirt rubs a little without this simple under layer for protection. The great paradox of summer, expressed in purely mathematical terms reads something roughly along the lines of:

 

S + HS = negative C  

 

Where S = Sun, HS= High Street and C = Clothing 

This equation when applied to population F (the female of the species) generally leads to increased happiness in population M and many more unexplained trips out of the house for Monty. “Just going to get a paint brush dear.” “Yes, that one I bought earlier was no good either.” 

Unfortunately, the equation also needs to be applied to population M, which presents Monty with a worrying predicament. Revealing the singlet, when changing at the beach or pool, doesn’t really show the Mont in his best light. In fact the best light for the Mont in a vest is no light at all. Trying to gather equal amounts of under garment and polo shirt, so that the two slide off effortlessly together... well that’s just the stuff of Hollywood. Monty’s efforts end up looking more like an amateur contortionist’s show at a circus. 

It looks like the vests will be back in the drawer for the duration.