New Prey at the Office
It always piques Monty’s curiosity to learn that a new member of the female of the species might be about to enter the fray at that otherwise stale and stagnant place of work. Imagined conversations appear in dreams, chances to accidentally rub against new flesh at the water cooler...
Those early thoughts of drinks on a Friday start creeping in, along with a sudden pressing need to stock the wardrobe with something a bit trendier. Out go plain white shirts and step forward something more designer and a bit less off the rack at Next. Monty might even start shaving regularly again.
Oh the delightful awkwardness of it all, a few seasoned wolves marking their territory in conversation, fighting for alpha status in the presence of a new b*tch. Those painful early morning moments over coffee trying to avoid eye contact out of fear that you’ll reveal your darkest thoughts from the night before. The trouble is, conversations at work rarely reveal true feelings. If only people said what they meant:
“So what did you get up to last night Monty? Can I call you Monty?”
“Oh not much; just the usual really.” (Apart from bending you over the back of a shiny new red Ferrari and burying my face up your skirt.)
“Oh really? And what does the usual involve then?”
“I have an Xbox , which kinda takes up most of my free time.” (Mostly w*nking)
“Really, and what kind of games do you play then?” (How often?)
“I like all genres really.” (Whatever you’re into suits me baby!)
“Yeah, I’ve played on the Wii a few times it seemed like fun.” (I’m the kind of girl that’s up for anything after a Martini.)
“The Wii’s not bad but there aren’t that many great role-playing titles which are also my thing.” (I will gladly dress up as a policeman if you’ll let me use handcuffs.)
“I’m surprised you have the energy after work.” (I need a man who can work it for hours and still have something left after breakfast.)
“Well, I can always catch up on sleep at the weekends.” (I’ll put in a mirrored ceiling if you fancy a lie in on Saturday.)
“So do you use one of those headset things and talk to people and stuff?” (I’ve often dreamed about doing it in front of my webcam but I’m a bit shy.)
“Sometimes, yes but it’s better with friends.” (I don’t mind if you’re bisexual as long as I get to be there.)
The trouble is, Monty being the shy type that he is, probably won’t even mention that he’s got an Xbox. (Huge p*nis.)
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Re: New Prey at the Office
Hey Monty, i'm interested to know if she's planning to buy a PS3 now that they come with vibration enabled pads.
Re: New Prey at the Office
LOL! Great blog.
Dude the videogames conversation with a woman is even more unlikely to take place than the sexual one.
Re: New Prey at the Office
Nice to see your words plastered across my screen and yet another fine write up.
After years of field studies and research, holding down an open relationship, i.e. one girlfriend and many consoles, I have come to the conclusion that I am more than happy to keep my gaming to myself ... well apart from the first night I experience something new and I blabber on about it uncontrolably. (Fantasies)
Re: New Prey at the Office
Great article and interesting website.